Aly Laube

Contributor

editor@runnermag.ca

Six Songs That’ll Make You Go, “Hell Yeah Brother”

Get ready to rock out with your cock out

(wiki.commons)

Godzilla – Blue Oyster Cult

A song about godzilla!? Hell yeah, brother! Not only is he the king of all monsters—he’s the king of my big ol’ beefy heart, and the ladies will be hanging off your arm at the mere mention of that sexy scaly dreamboat. As the song goes,  “Oh no, there goes Tokyo!” More like there goes any chance of me listening to ANYTHING else today! Ha ha! Rock on!

Limelight – Rush

Paul Rudd and Jason Siegel loved Rush in that one movie about them being best friends, which is basically like being brothers, brother. They even jammed out Rush songs in their gross little man cave during a sick montage that they were both totally shirtless for. Paul Rudd is actually pretty hot, right? Ha ha. Anyway, Neil Peart slaps. National treasure. For. Sure.

No More Mr. Nice Guy – Alice Cooper

Take off your gloves and get ready to throw down because Mr. Nice Guy has officially left the building! Guess who’s still here? Just us, brother, listening to this sweet fucking track from one hell of a rock solid guy, Alice Cooper. Absolutely shredded. Absolute shredder.

Death To All But Metal – Steel Panther

“Fuck the Goo Goo Dolls, they can suck my balls

They look like the dogs that hang out at the mall

Eminem can suck it, so can Dr. Dre

They can suck each other just because they’re gay

They can suck a dick, they can lick a sack

Everybody shout, ‘Heavy metal’s back!’

Death to all but metal

Death to all but metal

Death to all but metal”

It gets a lot more sexist and homophobic after that—a classic “Hell yeah, brother” move. Vive la fraternité!

Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry

Pfft! Women! Aren’t they just the worst?

If you’re picking up what I’m putting down, you’re gonna love headbanging your souvenir shop bandana off your fat skull as you blast this track in your Ford F-150 going way past the speed limit in a school zone. Make sure you don’t hit any hot moms, though. Manslaughter is not cool, brother.

You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC

This one’s for those of you that slay mad gash on the reg. If you find yourself hitting that fat poontang to the bitter sound of silence, you’re gonna want to fill that puppy up with the ripping sound waves of fellow males AC/DC. Just make sure you tell your bros all about it later—but leave out the part about how she was laughing, like, the entire time…