Horoscopes - February 25, 2021

Aquarius

Deep V Tony has the palette of a god

Pisces

Murmur? I barely know her!

Aries

The conflict resolution spaghetti dinner is now a conflict resolution fast.

Taurus

Gemini

I’d sooner hold in all of my pee than be stressed out for a moment

Cancer

t.A.T.u, a Russian musical duo featuring two young girls dressed in school uniforms (because their producer wanted to cater to men) kissed in the rain and stuff to be “provocative” even though at least one of the two artists is outwardly still homophobic, which is super icky and queerbait-y. All im saying is that is was a gay awakening for me and I feel like that is some kind of divine retribution.

Leo

nardo Dicaprio

Virgo

Libra

Dear job people, I cannot possibly come into work today. I am cradling a puppy and she is really soft.

Regrets.

Scorpio

“My parents were fighting and I thought they were rap battling so I came in and started beatboxing. Why am I such an idiot? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Sagittarius 

“Too many Karens tryna meet you at the corner of stunning and brave when you’re literally just vibing.”

Capricorn

Real and true fact according to Wikipedia: Elephants are known to revere celestial bodies, and take part in “rituals” that correspond with the cyclical nature of the moon.